Interview
Interviewing quiet kids across different grades at Annoor Academy to know more about their perspectives and what stereotypes mean to them.
A lonely boy sits by himself in a forest. (Robert Guss/Unsplash)
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What do you think of when you hear ‘The Quiet Kid’? As it turns out, everyone thinks something different, and the ‘quiet kids’ themselves have a lot to say about it.
Something you need to know about me is that I tend to gravitate towards people who don’t talk much. I’ve never known WHY I tend to be more attracted to quiet types, but I sought out this interview to help me answer that question. After being friends with a ton of generally quiet kids, I started to wonder: What does being ‘the quiet kid’ even mean? To figure it out, I chose three kids from my eighth-grade class to answer these questions for me. One of my biggest questions was about fear; does being quiet stem from fear, anxiety, a mix of the two, or something different altogether?
Expectedly, all three of my subjects chose to be anonymous. For the sake of the interview, I’ll choose to call them Blue, Pink and Green.
Before I started asking questions, I had to give a quick overview of what the interview was going to look like. “Thank you so much for talking with me today. To start, if you’d like to be anonymous, we can totally do that. I’m interested in learning about what it’s like to be called the ‘quiet kid’ and how people see that label.” I said, much to Blue’s satisfaction. He immediately chose to stay anonymous. “Some of the questions I’ll ask are about common stereotypes people have about quiet kids, but these don’t necessarily reflect what I think — they’re just ideas that come up a lot. This is really just about hearing your perspective. There are no right or wrong answers. If you don’t want to answer something, that’s totally fine. I want you to feel comfortable sharing as much or as little as you’d like. Do you have any questions for me about this interview?”
I tried to be as unbiased as possible, making an effort to disregard any previous conceptions. Without thinking, Blue pressed his lips into a flat line and said, “No,” and I quickly got the idea that he wanted to be done with this as soon as possible. Pink, however, was smiling and seemed quite pleased that someone was getting her perspective.
“No, I don’t think so,” she said, tucking her hijab over her shoulder. “But thanks for asking.”
Green, on the other hand, had a lot to say. “Yeah. Are you gonna tell anyone I did this?” He seemed nervous and agitated, and I was quickly becoming so. Nonetheless, I tried to stay as calm as possible. “No, that’s part of being anonymous. This is all between you and me.” I spoke gently and slowly, as if trying not to frighten him away while also collecting as much information as possible. He recoiled, “Why’d you say it like that? You’re being weird,” I sigh.
“Okay, let’s start! Ready?”
Blue and Pink nod, while Green juts his chin forward.
- “ So, you’re the quiet kid. What do you think are some of the stereotypes that commonly surround being ‘the quiet kid’?”
Blue: Honestly, like… Just being really quiet and…mysterious.
Pink: “This is gonna sound strange, but to me it means that no one listens to what you have to say. And when you DO have something to say, you feel the need to push it down… y’know?”
Green: “It’s just being quiet. There’s nothing else to it. People think that just because you don’t run your mouth like they do, something’s wrong,but there’s literally not.”
Those three answers were quite a surprise for me, especially Pink. I never knew that it was a question of suppression, so I made sure to listen out for what she might say next.
- “Okay, great. Thanks. Next thing, I’m going to give you a list of stereotypes that we found and you’re gonna tell me out of ten how much you think they apply to you, and I’ll ask some other questions: These are common stereotypes people have said—they don’t necessarily reflect what I think. Okay, so how many out of ten do you relate to these statements? You hate everybody.”
Blue: “A four.”
Pink: “Oh, no, two.”
Green: “Honestly? Like a six.”
- Writing the answers down, they surprised me. Then again, I didn’t know what to expect going forward, so I just moved on. “You’re very smart.”
Blue: “Seven, honestly.”
Pink: “Oh, I don’t want to be cocky. Maybe a five?”
Green: “Seriously?”
- Me: “Please just answer.”
Green: “An eight.”
- “Next. You’re shy.”
Blue: “Nine.”
Pink: “Ten.”
Green: “Seven.”
- “You’re sad all the time.”
Blue: “Four.”
Pink: “Five.”
Green: “Three.”
- “You’re a dangerous person.”
Blue: “Uh, like, a two.”
Pink: “No way! One.”
Green: “Six.”
- Me: “Really?”
Green shrugs and I note down the interaction.
- “You’re a boring person.”
Blue: “Seven.”
Pink: “Oh, I hope not. Maybe four.”
Green: “I’m boring to people, so a five.”
- “You read a lot.”
Blue: “One.”
Pink: “Eight.”
Green: “Five.”
- “You’re scared to talk to people.”
Blue: “Nine.”
Pink: “Nine point five.”
Green: “Seven.”
(There are a lot more of these, around twenty more, so too much to include. You can send an email to [email protected] for the whole list. Moving on now.)
- “Thank you. Can you tell me a story about a time when teachers or classmates made an assumption about your abilities, good or bad, just because you were the quiet kid?”
Blue: “Honestly, people just think that I’m quiet? Some people think that you would be really crazy smart, but that isn’t really true. For me at least.”
Pink: “They usually think I’m an idiot, to be honest. Or that I can’t express myself? I’m not really sure.”
Green: “I don’t…know. Skip this one.”
- “Okay, great. Next: What’s the most harmful stereotype you can think of, being the quiet kid?”
Blue: “Being a threat to other people, to be honest.”
Pink: “I guess being mean to others. Or being, like, scary.”
Green: “I guess people are scared of you. Like on TikTok, those videos talk about how quiet kids are school shooters, or have a hit list.”
- “Have you always been the quiet kid, or is this something you’ve come across?”
Blue: “Just something I’ve recently come across.”
Pink: “Definitely always.”
Green: “I’m not really sure. It’s just become part of my life, I guess.”
- “Can you think of a time when someone misunderstood you just because you were quiet?”
Blue: “I can’t really remember exactly, but it has happened, for sure.”
Pink: “Can we skip this one?”
Green: “Not really. Sorry.”
- “Do you feel like being called the “quiet kid’ matches who you really are?”
Blue: “No, not at all, actually. I’m only really quiet in class to avoid wasting time, but around my friends, I’m actually kind of loud, like (classmate).”
Pink: “Yes, I’m always pretty quiet.”
Green: “Yeah, but only ‘cause I wanna be quiet. I can be loud, too.”
- “Do you think quiet kids are judged more than loud kids? Why or why not?”
Blue: “No, because we’re mysterious..super mysterious. So people can’t really judge us too much? Loud kids are always talking and sometimes messing things up for people, so I would think they get judged more.”
Pink: “Not really because loud kids have more to say, so people judge them more.”
Green: “People judge us both, so I don’t really see a divide. Sorry.”
- “No problem. This is great. Do teachers or classmates make assumptions about your abilities because of it, being quiet?”
Blue: “Yeah, teachers usually think we’re smarter than average.”
Pink: “Usually that you’re smart.”
Green: “I don’t really know. Being smart or a nerd or a teacher’s pet, I guess.”
- Here, I was starting to get correlating answers, really giving me an idea of what being the ‘quiet kid’ really feels like. With my newfound confidence, I pushed on. “What do you think are the strengths of being quiet?”
Blue: “Like I said earlier, you get to be classified as.. Smart. Also, teachers can bypass things for you, like misbehaving just because you’re quiet and don’t do it often.”
Pink: “Not that I ever do it, but if you get in trouble as a quiet kid, I imagine teachers would ignore it.”
Green: “This is gonna sound goofy, but you have, like, an aura. People would automatically think you’re cool, at least in my case.”
- “If someone asked you what it really means to be quiet, what would you say?”
Blue: “Just being quiet and not talking as much as other kids. I don’t think there’s more.”
Pink: “I guess it’s in the name. Being really quiet, but also you have to handle all the stuff that comes with it, like stereotypes and assumptions.”
Green: “Just.. being quiet? I don’t understand.”
- “Do you think experiences can vary based on gender differences- whether you’re a boy or a girl?”
Blue: “Yeah, for sure. If you’re a girl, it could make sense for you to be quieter. I think that’s because boys are generally viewed as more talkative.”
Pink: “I’m not sure if I can say this, so I’ll try to make it better. There is definitely an issue of quieter or softer girls being, well…Fetishized, I guess. Maybe not in our school, but for quiet girls in general.”
Green: “Girls are usually quieter than guys anyway. People would treat a ‘quiet girl’ as something more normal than a quiet guy.
- “Any last thought before the end of the interview?”
Blue: “No, thanks.”
Pink: “I just really want people to know that we’re people, too, and we have lives. Just because we’re quiet doesn’t mean we hate you or even like you. Thanks, Sara.”
Green: “No.”
- “Okay! We’ve come to the end of the interview! Thanks again for sharing your thoughts with me, speaking to me today, and trusting me with your experiences. What you shared will really help people understand that being the ‘quiet kid’ means a LOT more than just a stereotype.”
In the end, I learned that being ‘The Quiet Kid’ can have a lot of different meanings, and it just depends on the person. A lot of quiet kids are really great people and listeners, while others might not be. Overall, quiet kids are not a monolith. You could meet a smart one, a scary one, a nice one, or even one that just so happens to be a teacher’s pet, but that doesn’t mean all quiet kids are the same. To my interviewees, if you’re reading this: thanks for doing this interview, and I really appreciate you all.
